Voice of Reason #8: In-Flight Films

Okay, so a recent flight across Australia got me thinking; what is the best kind of film to watch in-transit? Airlines often populate their in-flight entertainment systems with a miniature digital library of cinematic treats, with my last flight offering everything from the thrilling and often satirical Argo to the cutesy and family-friendly Mr. Poppers' Penguins.

So what to choose? With so much on offer, it can feel overwhelming trying to whittle it down. You weigh each option up carefully, not wanting mess up such a crucial decision. Before you know it, you've spent so long trying to choose that the plane is now landing and you've missed your chance. Bummer!

So anyway, here we have a few ground rules (or should that be sky rules?) on what not to pick next time you are trapped inside a tightly packed metal tube with hundreds of complete strangers and you need to find a way to pass the time.

1. Anything that'll make you jump. Turbulence may be one thing, but a jump scare from the latest Paranormal Activity flick will definitely send that packet of peanuts or can of Coke you opened raining down on your fellow passengers. You don't want this.
2. Anything scary. Remember, at some point in the next 600 hours of flying, you might want to get some shut eye. This isn't going to happen if you decide to tune into Nightmare on Elm Street; you'll end up calling for the air hostess to make you a warm glass of milk and soothe your brow whilst you mumble something about the Freddy Kruger trying to kill you.
3. Anything that involves planes. Not Airplane!, not Flightplan, not Snakes on a Plane, not Die Hard 2 and definitely, absolutely not Flight. Unless you really relish the idea of reaching for the sick bag and reacquainting yourself with that bagel you just had in the terminal.
4. Something that'll get you judged. You might be trapped on a plane for seeming eternity, but there are better ways to pass the time than watching Tinkerbell: Secret of the Wings. The only thing you'll be getting out of that will be odd glances from the people sat next to you.
5. Anything that is too funny. What? No comedies? Not if your the kind of person that laughs so loud the captain will be able to hear you. Cue angry stares from two old ladies you just jolted awake. Thanks a lot Simon Pegg.
6. Something that'll get you in the *ahem* mood. Remember your surroundings. You don't want to be be caught in the awkward situation where the air hostess leans in on you watching a particularly steamy sex scene that involves lots of jiggling.
7. Transformers. This one has nothing to do with being on a plane, you should just avoid the Transformers films altogether. They're crap. You have been warned.